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Ordering coffee in France


From what I understand, comparing what can be ordered in most cafés and bars (in Australia/NZ, some parts of the UK) to what can be ordered in France is, to wax proverbially, comparing apples and oranges... the use of UHT milk in French cafés, lack of training and/or desire to make such beverages and the level of disgust registered by French barman when they are ordered, even at Starbucks, ensures French folk on the whole will never enjoy coffee with milk.... but, roughly speaking:

cafè crème = caffé latte (becomes flat white within 12 seconds due to lack of technique/will to live of what might be called a barista)
noisette = short macciato (who knows when the milk was heated last)
long mac remains unknown in these here parts (though easy enough to order if any patience remains after ordering your friends drinks [allongé avec du lait à côté])
café/espresse/espresso = short black (the safe option, coffee is only burnt once, coffee machine is guaranteed to have been cleaned since the last revolution)
café allongé = long black (burnt, over-extracted coffee due to two doses of hot water being pulled through one shot's worth of coffee)

Please Note from Shelley: I found this a while back but can't remember where. As a non-coffee drinker, I have no idea if the information is correct or not but I get the impression that the writer is not overly impressed by the coffee options in France.